Free Popcorn !
Free Popcorn !
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie talkie
At an auction, a man found an exotic parrot and really wanted the bird so he got caught up in the bidding. After bidding much more than he intended he finally won the bid and the bird was his. As he was paying, he told the auctioneer that he hoped the bird wasn’t defective and that he would hate paying so much for a bird that can’t talk. The auctioneer answered, “Of course the parrot can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
A parrot walks into a bar, slaps a small fish on top of the barstool, then stands on the fish and orders a drink. “What’s with the fish?” the bartender asks. The parrot replies, “This is my perch.”
Now for a little parrot "history". Did pirates really have parrots on their shoulders?
Yes. Back in those days, parrots didn’t squawk or scream—they cheeped like other birds. They were even nicknamed “cheeps,” and the seagoing bandits who were lucky to own a parrot were often said to have a cheep on their shoulder.
In the argot of 17th century Caribbean seafaring, this came to be pronounced “chip.” That word came to be so associated with the belligerent, confrontational attitude of pirates that after a time—by 1732, to be exact—even landlubbers who had never been at sea, but who had such confrontational behavior, were said to “have a chip on their shoulder.” And the rest is history.
I swear this is true or my name isn’t Jack Sparrow.
MERGER ANNOUNCEMENT
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Although mind you, it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.
A parrot walks into a bar, slaps a small fish on top of the barstool, then stands on the fish and orders a drink. “What’s with the fish?” the bartender asks. The parrot replies, “This is my perch.”
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder…
The bartender asked, ”Is it trained?”/
The parrot replies, ”I am but I don’t know about him.”
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total silence. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
What's a Runaway Parrot:
Polygon
A parrot walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk says, "Will that be cash or charge?" The parrot says, "Just put it on my bill!"
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida ...
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.
She wrote: "Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
Love, Mama